December 2, 2020
In this episode we dive into the phenomenon of women marrying mass murderers and serial killers (an obsession so common it actually has a clinical name!).
And we explore the burning questions you didn’t know you had, like, how cool must it have been to be married to Genghis Khan?
Which do you marry: the local rapist or the big time serial killer? And how do you make that roommate switch?
Do you bring up the fact that he’s a murderer in EVERY argument you have? (spoiler alert: yes.)
Does anyone out there want a GPS app where Becky hurls insults at you when you make a wrong turn? (gofundme is a-waitin’!)
Is there some legal requirement where podcasters must talk about Keith Morrison in every episode?
In a zombie apocalypse, would you maybe actually want Scott Peterson to be your husband?
Why does Becky give an uninvited lesson on the theory of evolution?
How can Merie be manipulated into buying 200 hand lotions?
Which is grosser, the fake-crying lying bastard Eric Menendez, or the lawyer who dressed him up in a pastel sweater vest?
Love is love, but do you really have a blind spot big enough to fit 48 dead bodies?
Finally, who out there is going to do the coding for our new website, wellatleastimnotaserialkiller.com?
Come for the serial killing farmers. Stay for the uncited quoting of Jerry Maguire.
December 9, 2020
In this week’s episode, we cover the Jennifer Pan and Bart Whitaker cases, where lying about attending college led to murder, and we dive into the phenomenon of secret lives and their sometimes deadly consequences.
Along the way, we address burning questions you didn’t know you had, like:
Where are you headed when all you have to do is head down I-45 till you s**t your pants?
Which one of us may or may not have had a CIA-trained sharpshooting grandma?
Are WE among Merie’s list of certain reputable podcasts?
How is Becky going to end up like the Texas cheerleader murdering mom?
Did Dwight Eisenhower accidentally create a dirty joke for Merie’s family?
How will Merie know when it’s time for her to murder Becky?
Can someone stop Becky from using the word “homegirl” ever again? (And is THAT why Merie may have to kill her?!)
Does Becky really quote a Nike ad as encouragement for NOT murdering your family?
Come for the professor and the professional college attender. Stay for a little basic math.
Listen to the end to hear why Becky wants you to live a lie.
December 13, 2020
In this, our first of 12 12-minute teeny, tiny holiday-adjacent episodes, we explore the burning question, what in the actual F**k is up with people dressing up as Santa and murdering a bunch of people?! Also:
How does a flammable Santa suit foil a plot to escape to Canada? It's a little thing called karma, folks. Who wants to hear Merie singing about pod-coasting? What the hell is pod-coasting anyway?! What does a turkey baster and meat thermometer have to do with attempted murder and texting in movies? (Also, can a person survive being stabbed in the neck with a meat thermometer?)
December 14, 2020
In our second super-miniature "12 Fears of Christmas" episode, we explore some pretty terrible holiday tunes, and ask burning questions like, do you remember in 1640 when Christmas was literally canceled? How ‘bout those filthy Druid carols that got people arrested? Also:
Is “12 Days of Christmas” really about human trafficking? Why is Merie from now on to be known as Songbird? How long before she puts Becky to sleep with her statistical analyses? Who will finish the limerick “There once was a girl from Nantucket” as a lovely Christmas carol? Is Becky capable of ignoring her cat long enough to record an episode? Spoiler alert: No
December 15, 2020
In this adorably tiny episode, we explore the controversy over the classic tune, "Baby it's Cold Outside." Just how rapey is this song?!! Is it really an S&M fantasy sung by Dean Martin back in the ‘40s? Who the hell is Wolf and why is he making drinks for Mouse? Is Mouse really scared of a date rape drug in her gin rickey?!!! Also:
Did Merie’s husband get her to marry him by using big words like Rorschach Test?! Come for the womansplaining of context and consent. Stay because Merie might actually sing the first 3 "Fears of Christmas" at the end of this episode.
December 16, 2020
Ooooohhhh...this one might hurt. So, listen, um, full confession: Becky is, shall we say, NOT a fan of the purported holiday romcom, "Love, Actually." Tune in, if you dare, for a no-holds-barred takedown of this “beloved” “Christmas” “classic” that is so hate-filled, so profanity-laced, so viciously graphic that Merie actually finds herself inspired to watch it for the first time.
December 17, 2020
In this eensy-weensy episode, Becky & Merie wonder: poinsettias, brightly colored bulbs, rooftops, or Tide pods…which one is most likely to kill you this time of year? Also:
Should you fear your cat or 9 year-old Merie, or both? What is Merie’s sordid history with a common cooking spice? And what's with all the Fitz & Floyd Tumbling Santa limbs strewn everywhere?
Come for the peach and cream artificial Christmas tree. Stay for the most personal question Becky has ever asked Merie.
December 18, 2020
In this petite lil ole episode, we continue our quest to ruin all of your Christmas memories by explaining the sordid history of the big man himself. Also:
How can Becky' & Merie’s new grunge band, Flemish Trunk Hos, aid in getting rid of a celebration that includes blackface? When was it that Santa bore a strong resemblance to Slender Man? How is Don Draper responsible for the Santa we know today? Stay to the end for some really bad cabaret.
December 19, 2020
The incredibly creepy-looking creature known as Krampus takes center stage in this pint-sized episode. Also:
What exactly IS the Panda Express version of this Krampus creature? Do Santa and Krampus run a shoe store together, or do they sell insurance during the day? What about the lullaby about the disembowelling Christmas shapeshifter?
When you're the Pope, they let you do WHAT?!!
And, you had Becky at “more cowbell.”
December 20, 2020
In this tiny-but-mighty episode, we continue our dive into interesting international holiday traditions. Why must so many of them involve the torture and murder (and eating?!!!) of children? Also:
Who wants an eternal cannibal man servant?! (We do!) Is getting naked with your family more fearful than a serial killing cat? Is being killed for eating cookies a reasonable punishment? And, stop haunting all those houses, Danny!