November 2, 2020
This is our preview/compilation episode, giving you your first chance to hear some observations, anecdotes, hot fear opinions and more! Subscribe ASAP!
For this step in our vaguely dirty-sounding “soft” launch, we present to you a preview! In this compilation of future scary episodes, we address all your burning questions, like: should you murder someone on the third date or wait until later? Can one weekend in Alaska turn a woman from a nightmare to an angel? Does Costco really put tequila into their margarita mixes? And, what is with all the damaged pantyhose? (Also, what’s with pantyhose?) Our actual, full-length true and terrifying episode 1 will be available the week of Nov 2.. Just in time to distract you from the frightening election!
November 4, 2020
In this episode we cover serial killer partners in crime. Looking at the Moors murders, the Ken and Barbie killers, USA’s horrifying Leonard Lake and Charles Ng and more, we want to know what motivates these men and women.
Why did they get together and make themselves not just worse, but THE worst?
Also: Who does Merie think are the laziest serial killers on the planet? Does Becky really say "feminine-ize?" Is that even a word? Does she also misuse the phrase vice-versa? Why does Merie fear we’ve run out of American serial killers? What is Becky’s teeny-tiny connection to England’s Moors murders? What the hell is a passive-aggressive murder style? And, how do you pronounce Dnepropetrovsk, anyway?
November 11, 2020
In this episode, we delve into the role that namecalling and meme-making can play in violence and even mass murder. Also, we also address more burning questions you didn’t know you had, like, does a child molester sandwich really have around 200 calories? Who are all these Karens and Stacys, Chads and Brads? Is the Becky of this very show the same Becky of Uggs and Starbucks fame, and is she really too busy gluing rhinestones back on her iPhone case to realize what's actually going on?! (Maybe)
Is her biggest concern falling after her heel gets caught in the cobblestone while chasing after her boyfriend in the meat packing district? (Only sometimes!)
Which should we fear more: Siri or Alexa? Claritin or Allegra?
And, finally: Oh my God, Becky! Why does Merie want to see the manager?!
![Even his workout routine was unimpressive: the American tragedy that is the Watts family murders]()
November 18, 2020
In this episode, we discuss the Netflix doc American Murder, the Family Next Door, and hurl many insults at the man responsible. Along the way, many questions come to mind, such as:
Just how much of a dim bulb is Chris Watts? Just how much victim-blaming does a woman get for trying to keep her lazy, sociopathic husband under control? Is this moronic murderer at least smart enough to recognize that he’s been caught on surveillance during the crime?
And, how does one badass detective named Tammy get this whole thing wrapped up?
Also: Do all of our problems come from the Bible? Does Becky mispronounce the word “banal?” Does she manage to get through one podcast episode without mentioning Chee-toes? When will Merie start tagging her every post with #blessed, #bestlife, #love him, #luckygirl, #madeforeachother? Who is Walter and how will he manage to murder Merie someday?
Come for the murderer insults. Stay for the lie-detecting Fitbit.
(This episode includes discussions of violence against women and children. To avoid the grim details, skip over minutes 40-44.)
November 25, 2020
In this episode we look at people who join murderer fan clubs, go on murder-inspired vacations, or send naked pictures and love letters to serial killers.
Along the way we explore the burning questions you didn’t know you had, like, how is Cal State LA responsible for the prevention of a fascist nation? Is the word murderabelia worse than moist or panty Does Merie mistakenly refer to a certain prisoner in Wisconsin by the name of a jewelry company? Whom should you buy true crime-related gifts for this Christmas, Merie or Becky? (spoiler alert: Becky) Should you or should you not move to Waco? (spoiler alert: No.) Why the hell are we talking about a puking cat gravy boat? And, what’s all this about a deranged seagull?
We also find ourselves in the unlikely position of giving you advice about which items you should and should not store in your body cavities. Listen till the end to find out if you should question your life choices.
![Their wedding cake was literally a Twinkie: The unsung romance of marrying a convicted murderer]()
December 2, 2020
In this episode we dive into the phenomenon of women marrying mass murderers and serial killers (an obsession so common it actually has a clinical name!).
And we explore the burning questions you didn’t know you had, like, how cool must it have been to be married to Genghis Khan?
Which do you marry: the local rapist or the big time serial killer? And how do you make that roommate switch?
Do you bring up the fact that he’s a murderer in EVERY argument you have? (spoiler alert: yes.)
Does anyone out there want a GPS app where Becky hurls insults at you when you make a wrong turn? (gofundme is a-waitin’!)
Is there some legal requirement where podcasters must talk about Keith Morrison in every episode?
In a zombie apocalypse, would you maybe actually want Scott Peterson to be your husband?
Why does Becky give an uninvited lesson on the theory of evolution?
How can Merie be manipulated into buying 200 hand lotions?
Which is grosser, the fake-crying lying bastard Eric Menendez, or the lawyer who dressed him up in a pastel sweater vest?
Love is love, but do you really have a blind spot big enough to fit 48 dead bodies?
Finally, who out there is going to do the coding for our new website, wellatleastimnotaserialkiller.com?
Come for the serial killing farmers. Stay for the uncited quoting of Jerry Maguire.
![Attending college vs. murdering your entire family: Seems like an easy choice…right?]()
December 9, 2020
In this week’s episode, we cover the Jennifer Pan and Bart Whitaker cases, where lying about attending college led to murder, and we dive into the phenomenon of secret lives and their sometimes deadly consequences.
Along the way, we address burning questions you didn’t know you had, like:
Where are you headed when all you have to do is head down I-45 till you s**t your pants?
Which one of us may or may not have had a CIA-trained sharpshooting grandma?
Are WE among Merie’s list of certain reputable podcasts?
How is Becky going to end up like the Texas cheerleader murdering mom?
Did Dwight Eisenhower accidentally create a dirty joke for Merie’s family?
How will Merie know when it’s time for her to murder Becky?
Can someone stop Becky from using the word “homegirl” ever again? (And is THAT why Merie may have to kill her?!)
Does Becky really quote a Nike ad as encouragement for NOT murdering your family?
Come for the professor and the professional college attender. Stay for a little basic math.
Listen to the end to hear why Becky wants you to live a lie.
December 13, 2020
In this, our first of 12 12-minute teeny, tiny holiday-adjacent episodes, we explore the burning question, what in the actual F**k is up with people dressing up as Santa and murdering a bunch of people?! Also:
How does a flammable Santa suit foil a plot to escape to Canada? It's a little thing called karma, folks. Who wants to hear Merie singing about pod-coasting? What the hell is pod-coasting anyway?! What does a turkey baster and meat thermometer have to do with attempted murder and texting in movies? (Also, can a person survive being stabbed in the neck with a meat thermometer?)
December 14, 2020
In our second super-miniature "12 Fears of Christmas" episode, we explore some pretty terrible holiday tunes, and ask burning questions like, do you remember in 1640 when Christmas was literally canceled? How ‘bout those filthy Druid carols that got people arrested? Also:
Is “12 Days of Christmas” really about human trafficking? Why is Merie from now on to be known as Songbird? How long before she puts Becky to sleep with her statistical analyses? Who will finish the limerick “There once was a girl from Nantucket” as a lovely Christmas carol? Is Becky capable of ignoring her cat long enough to record an episode? Spoiler alert: No
December 15, 2020
In this adorably tiny episode, we explore the controversy over the classic tune, "Baby it's Cold Outside." Just how rapey is this song?!! Is it really an S&M fantasy sung by Dean Martin back in the ‘40s? Who the hell is Wolf and why is he making drinks for Mouse? Is Mouse really scared of a date rape drug in her gin rickey?!!! Also:
Did Merie’s husband get her to marry him by using big words like Rorschach Test?! Come for the womansplaining of context and consent. Stay because Merie might actually sing the first 3 "Fears of Christmas" at the end of this episode.
